Someone posted a great video vignette on Facebook the other day that got right to the point – Facebook is great at creating an alternate reality based on perception where every relationship is an amazing night out on the town, every other night is an incredible conglomerate of friends old and new and every post is #blessed (and every comedian is “killing it” – though I just threw that one in myself).
It is called Facebook for a reason – it’s like a Yearbook. No one is going to see any of my angst filled nights, posts and frustrations that made up most of my Class of 19…(well, never mind – you get the point). No! It’s just a bevy of photos and fond farewells commemorating “all the good times we had”. Yes, there were good times but you couldn’t pay me to go back to high school.
What I’d like to invent is my own version of Facebook called Realitybook. Each post would establish the user as he/she really is and instead of “Likes” there would be “Amen” buttons or “MICR” (“Man, I Can Relate”) buttons for those who may be atheist or agnostic.
I could have used a Realitybook tonight. I had amazing hopes for today. i had “new year, new you” type of hopes for today. I should have known better.
I had my work list from 7AM to 6PM, which I just completed by the way (it is now 10:26 PM), my personal list and I even meditated this morning. I found my inner core beam of light. I watched it grow inside me and then engulf me to extend to the outer universe so I could establish my connectiveness. I counted backwards. I breathed. I stretched. And then around 4 PM, I lost it.
In Oprah terms, I was definitely not the “best you that you can be”. I wasn’t even the “the presentable you”. As a parent, I did just about everything wrong a parent could do. I carried my work day into my personal day. I was impatient. I showed my frustration for petty things (do I let them leave their drawers open all the time because, thank God, they still have their health or do I continue to bang my head against the wall to instill some standards in the house?) and I became a stress monster once again. How could this have been? I mean, this was my 3rd day of meditating after all? Shouldn’t it be a habit by now?
I also did not exercise and gave into a glass (ok, two) of wine at dinner around 7 PM. I am not sure but I am pretty confident that I saw both kids look at each other with relief when they saw me bring the wine glass to the table.
I did have a conversation with them and told them that while I am not sorry for what I was frustrated about, I did apologize for how I communicated it. This parenting thing is tough. I just don’t know if I should stop the college savings plan and go right for a therapy savings plan, instead. With a dad like me, it may be the better bet.
If Oprah is reading this (that’s a good one), I will work on being a better me tomorrow. I’m doing the 20 minute meditation instead of the 6 minute one so those extra 14 minutes should do the trick.